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It’s mostly single and unmarried people in relationships who have these unrealistic expectations of what love is or marriage even. You might hear that person start off a sentence like, “When I get married/fall in love it’s going to go this way”. Setting up all these guidelines to how their (future) relationship is going to be. It’s really off putting to a person who is trying to build upon something real in terms of love, to hear someone who’s never experienced the joys of being in a healthy relationship have all these guidelines to what they think a relationship should be about.
The reasons people make love unattractive is that they put so much emphasis on things that are not important to building a lasting relationship. They don’t discuss love or relationship in the matters of the virtues they want their man/woman to have. They’re discussing insignificant things that don’t matter in a relationship. Like, what their bridesmaid/groomsmen will wear, the food they’re catering at their wedding. Even sharing household responsibilities, and before we go any further. That is something that needs to be discussed, but there is a correct way to approach this topic without trying to delegate everyone to do what your relationship is doing.
If you were raised in a loving household, then most of the time that person wants to carry those morals they saw growing up into their relationship. Which is a normal thing, but with that statement you need to realize not everyone has had the same experience as you growing up. How your mother and father ran their household might not be the same as the next person. They might have had a mother who stayed home and took care of the kids, while the husband worked, or both the parents worked and had certain responsibilities in the household. Everybody’s experience is different. So to say, “This is how you should run a household” is just ridiculous to say because not everyone values the same things when running a household.
The focus should really be on is, how are you going to face real problems that will happen in that relationship and can the relationship still remain when those problems come. Not focusing on what your wedding day is going to be like or what your husband or wife’s duties are going to be when you get married. Especially if you’re not even in that stage of the relationship, because until you’re actually engaged or making wedding plans, how can you say what you’re going to do? Worrying about those things, are not going to help that relationship reach longevity. When it comes down to building upon a lasting relationship, very doubtful those are the things being discussed.
I agree with the fact that people rush the gun on saying those things. I also think people are crazy when they plan a wedding for two, how many kids and dogs they will have but don’t even have a boyfriend or girlfriend. LOL. I do think simple things like asking what the person wants out of life or the relationship is important. Such as do they want kids?? Do they want to pursue a higher education?? Are they family oriented?? Do they like their space sometimes?? These things need to be discussed.